The first two weddings I went to were for the same couple, my aunt and uncle. They had two ceremonies, one Catholic, the other Russian Orthodox. I was the flower girl in both of them, so I honestly don't remember much. What I do remember was my aunt's super long train on the dress, all the fuss and buzzing of people around us at the reception, and that uncomfortable dress and headpiece I had to wear as a flower girl. I didn't understand then why they had two weddings, but now I do, and it was for cultural reasons. My aunt is Hispanic and Filipino, while my uncle is Russian and both of their families are very strongly tied to their cultures. I don't think either one would've been happy if they had just chosen to do one ceremony, that probably would've felt like they were choosing favorites, and somebody's family would've been pissed. Like Capulet and Montague status.
This idea of culture being a strong factor in marriage ceremonies goes back to my post about wedding dresses and how brides with larger families with a strong cultural background would often not choose a dress until their family likes it and will not buy it unless they do. I have thought about what my wedding would be like before and I always thought I would have it in a Russian Orthodox church like my parents and grandparents did. I feel like if I don't then there would always be some harboring resentment that would last the rest of my grandparents life (they are very religious and strongly tied to their culture). I thought the same thing when I decided to get tattoos. I thought about the fact that if I wore a traditional wedding dress, they would show, my grandparents and family wouldn't like that and I'd pay the consequences for that. Well clearly it's too late for that, unless I decide to wear a white parka instead of a dress.
I think a lot about my choices that I've made in life. What I am studying in school, dying parts of my hair crazy colors, getting tattoos. All of it. And I know it doesn't make everyone happy. I often don't tell my grandparents what I'm studying because they'll probably think I'm the anti-christ for thinking that alternative families and non-traditional lifestyles are okay.
This brings me to the most recent wedding I've been to. I went to a friend's wedding who I've known for a large majority of my life and who I've grown up with. That was over a year ago and back then I was pretty bewildered by some things that were un-traditional. Now that I've done this project and taken a lot of Sociology courses, I realize that normal and traditional is boring and restrictive and that alternatives are just fine. If you like tradition and that makes you happy, that's great too. Now that I reflect back on her wedding, I am so happy for her and I realize that she was so happy on that day. It was perfect for her and that's all that should matter. I know that is very individualistic thinking of me, but hell, I live in the United States, the most individualistic minded country ever probably and that's how I roll.
So although I realize weddings are extraneous and outlandish, especially the way they are portrayed on TV, I want our to just make us happy. I don't us want to take out a loan and go into more assloads of debt to impress other people. We'll put on some fancy clothes because we like to, gather some of our closest friends and just celebrate the fact that we want to share something about us with those people. (In my boyfriend's case and mine, that would be our weirdness and our love).
(Look at these weirdos)
I think the most important thing to take away from all of this craziness of the wedding culture is that media sensationalizes things, and it focuses on material aspects and status a lot of the time. We love watching drama on television, and that's part of the reason why there is so much drama on TV and why there are Bridezillas all over the place in media. We need to realize that this is not something to replicate because it's dramatized and unrealistic. Having a huge, expensive wedding and a cupcake dress doesn't mean you're going to have the best marriage ever and you'll die holding hands like in the Notebook when you're crusty and old. Hell no. Marriage and relationships are hard enough as it is, no need to add more stress by planning some fluffed up party to show everybody that because you were able to throw a great wedding, that means you guys love each other.
Thank you so much for reading.
Until next time,
Liz
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