A Wedding Wrap Up

I've talked a lot about wedding television, and how ridiculous I think the monetary aspects of weddings are. I feel some reflection is in order now. I've only been to three weddings in my life, so I don't have much experience in the field of what real-life weddings are like. But I still think it's important to talk about my experiences with weddings.

The first two weddings I went to were for the same couple, my aunt and uncle. They had two ceremonies, one Catholic, the other Russian Orthodox. I was the flower girl in both of them, so I honestly don't remember much. What I do remember was my aunt's super long train on the dress, all the fuss and buzzing of people around us at the reception, and that uncomfortable dress and headpiece I had to wear as a flower girl. I didn't understand then why they had two weddings, but now I do, and it was for cultural reasons. My aunt is Hispanic and Filipino, while my uncle is Russian and both of their families are very strongly tied to their cultures. I don't think either one would've been happy if they had just chosen to do one ceremony, that probably would've felt like they were choosing favorites, and somebody's family would've been pissed. Like Capulet and Montague status. 

This idea of culture being a strong factor in marriage ceremonies goes back to my post about wedding dresses and how brides with larger families with a strong cultural background would often not choose a dress until their family likes it and will not buy it unless they do. I have thought about what my wedding would be like before and I always thought I would have it in a Russian Orthodox church like my parents and grandparents did. I feel like if I don't then there would always be some harboring resentment that would last the rest of my grandparents life (they are very religious and strongly tied to their culture). I thought the same thing when I decided to get tattoos. I thought about the fact that if I wore a traditional wedding dress, they would show, my grandparents and family wouldn't like that and I'd pay the consequences for that. Well clearly it's too late for that, unless I decide to wear a white parka instead of a dress. 

I think a lot about my choices that I've made in life. What I am studying in school, dying parts of my hair crazy colors, getting tattoos. All of it. And I know it doesn't make everyone happy. I often don't tell my grandparents what I'm studying because they'll probably think I'm the anti-christ for thinking that alternative families and non-traditional lifestyles are okay. 

This brings me to the most recent wedding I've been to. I went to a friend's wedding who I've known for a large majority of my life and who I've grown up with. That was over a year ago and back then I was pretty bewildered by some things that were un-traditional. Now that I've done this project and taken a lot of Sociology courses, I realize that normal and traditional is boring and restrictive and that alternatives are just fine. If you like tradition and that makes you happy, that's great too. Now that I reflect back on her wedding, I am so happy for her and I realize that she was so happy on that day. It was perfect for her and that's all that should matter. I know that is very individualistic thinking of me, but hell, I live in the United States, the most individualistic minded country ever probably and that's how I roll. 

So although I realize weddings are extraneous and outlandish, especially the way they are portrayed on TV, I want our to just make us happy. I don't us want to take out a loan and go into more assloads of debt to impress other people. We'll put on some fancy clothes because we like to, gather some of our closest friends and just celebrate the fact that we want to share something about us with those people. (In my boyfriend's case and mine, that would be our weirdness and our love). 

(Look at these weirdos)

I think the most important thing to take away from all of this craziness of the wedding culture is that media sensationalizes things, and it focuses on material aspects and status a lot of the time. We love watching drama on television, and that's part of the reason why there is so much drama on TV and why there are Bridezillas all over the place in media. We need to realize that this is not something to replicate because it's dramatized and unrealistic. Having a huge, expensive wedding and a cupcake dress doesn't mean you're going to have the best marriage ever and you'll die holding hands like in the Notebook when you're crusty and old. Hell no. Marriage and relationships are hard enough as it is, no need to add more stress by planning some fluffed up party to show everybody that because you were able to throw a great wedding, that means you guys love each other. 

Thank you so much for reading. 

Until next time,

Liz

It's "Her" Day: The Birth of the Bridezilla

You always hear it. If you're a woman you know what I'm talking about. Marriage. Weddings. Are you dating anyone? When are you going to find Mr. Right? And most of us just sit there like:

 In our culture, it seems to be that the pinnacle of a heterosexual woman's life is the day she meets Mr. Right and marries him. Television does a very good job at portraying this, as I talked about in my last post.

Today however I am going to focus on the show "Four Weddings" on the TLC network, home to a majority of today's wedding reality television. The premise of four weddings is that four brides all go to each other's weddings, judge them and vote for who gets to win an all-expenses paid honeymoon. If anyone of you are slapping your foreheads in despair, just wait, it gets better. The categories they have to rate the weddings in are dress, food, venue, and overall experience. What's funny is how some of the bride's comments include "I liked that you can tell they really loved each other." Why because they were like this the whole night?

 And some of them are just super competitive and critical, making remarks on how the centerpieces were too small or the chicken was dry. Because that's what a wedding is all about. That's what our culture has turned it into. A spectacle of food, flowers, dancing, all to please others. To show that your marriage is worthy because you threw this awesome party and everyone agreed that it was awesome.

Here is a clip of a bride who won, and she actually states in the clip that she learned about weddings from the show because she's never been to a wedding before. Again throughout the clip, notice how she always says "I" or "mine." My wedding, my vows, my day. Aside from it sounding very narcissistic, it perpetuates the heterosexual ideal of romance being ultimately expressed through marriage and having a wedding. If you don't get married, you obviously don't love them that much (I wish sarcasm had a font).

The way this show perpetuates the idea that weddings are "her" day is that only the brides judge each other's weddings, the groom's aren't involved in the critique. Also what I notice almost every episode is that at the end when the winner's groom comes out of the limo, he always says "good job baby you did it." Which shows how our culture thinks that planning a wedding is the bride's job, which again goes in with the idea of a wedding being "her big day." In fact the groom is hardly in the show at all, only in snippets throughout the episode and at the end the winner's groom deliver's the news. And I've never once seen a same-sex couple on the show either. (Edit as of 12/13/13, I just saw my first episode of Four Weddings with a lesbian couple, yay representation!)

TLC did a groom-centered episode of Four Weddings once, but really it was just done for humor's sake. As you will see in this clip, the groom's are pretty clueless about weddings and dresses in the interviews.

With all this emphasis on weddings being about the bride and being the biggest day of a woman's life, it's now wonder where the "bridezilla" came from. I've never planned a wedding, but I'd imagine I'd go crazy too if I had all this cultural pressure to plan a wedding and believed it was solely my responsibility to do so. 

 Again one of the problems with our culture perpetuating this idea of "her big day" is that it is hetero-centric. Meaning that by those standards, if two gay men want to have a wedding, what do they call it? "Their big day?" That would be ridiculous! Who plans the wedding? Or if two women want to have a wedding, do they split the responsibility and the attention? Oh no! Gender norms will have to be broken! *gasp* These are things that don't get any light shed on them because of this huge prevalence of heterosexual romance in our culture. It's not "their big day" it's "her big day." Also as I stated before, another problem with calling a wedding "her" big day is that it places getting married as the pinnacle of a woman's life (as well as becoming a mother, but that's another story).

Again thank you for reading and share your thoughts below!

Sitcom/Primetime TV Weddings: Looking for Love, Shipping and OTP's

Just a little warning, this post will contain spoilers for the show Bones and How I Met Your Mother, so if you are concerned about that, or are not caught up on those shows you should probably not read this.

Sitcoms and prime time television shows made spectacles of weddings way before TLC ever got their hands on the wedding reality television market. Some of the most memorable moments in our favorite sitcom TV shows involve weddings. Ross and Rachel (I mean Emily. Oops.), Fran Fine and Maxwell Sheffield, Lily and Marshall (fun fact, she insisted on keeping her last name), Bones and Agent Booth, Barney and Robin (they have a whole season surrounding their wedding, but I'll get to that later). This is just to name a few couples who had weddings on some of my favorite TV shows.

The "Oh Shit" moment of the '90's

Lily and Marshall from How I Met Your Mother

Temperance Brennan and Seely Booth from Bones

Wedding episodes in television shows often get a lot of audience attention and buildup, especially if the  relationship of the two characters has been rocky or if the wedding and their marriage has been a "long-time coming." So why all the emphasis on the wedding? It's often advertised as the highlight of the show's season, or it is the season finale. Chrys Ingraham (1999),who I've mentioned before, wrote about how television situation comedies are naturalizing weddings and portraying them as a "nearly obsession" for young white women. She goes on to explain how this fixation on weddings in the media makes it appear that this is all that women care about or think about. Also she explains how this naturalization of weddings appears to reduce their life expectations to "one moment of spectacle."

For some shows, I definitely agree with her statements. Many women in TV comedies are often single and looking for "the one" and the shows documents their trials and tribulations in the dating world. The Mindy Project, How I Met Your Mother, The Nanny, Sex and the City are just a few of the countless shows where searching for love is a major story line in the show. I will focus on two shows that are currently, or have recently had television weddings on their shows, or focus on them as a major part of the story.

Monica, Rachel and Phoebe from Friends

How I Met Your Mother is a show where a male lead, Ted Mosby, tells his kids the story of how he met their mother (I know, duh.) Over the course of 9 seasons, he's told stories about his friends, about his failed relationships and his quest for "the one." Now this isn't a female led story, but I would argue that this show also shows how for a male in their 30's, marriage is desirable to show that you are serious, responsible, and ready to provide for a family, and how marriage shows that you are desirable to others. We do not know "The Mother's" identity or name, but at the end of season 8, we are finally shown her face, which is you're a fan of the show you may join me in my sentiment of FINALLY, IT'S ABOUT FREAKING TIME.

In season 5 of the show, Ted gets left at the altar by Stella, and she goes back to her ex Tony. Tony is a film producer and makes a movie called "The Wedding Bride", which ends being a re-telling of Ted and Stella's love story but told from Tony's point of view, making Ted look like a jerk, and making Tony look desirable and having him win over Stella.

Now although The Wedding Bride is fictional, it is a satirical representation of the popularity of wedding movies in Western culture. Everyone in the show is dying to watch it, including Lily's husband Marshall (but he does so secretly, because doing so openly threatens his masculinity). In the show, it is the Number One movie in many countries and is very popular. The Wedding Bride is this show's take on movies like 27 Dresses, The Wedding Singer, and Bride Wars. 

Ted Mosby on a date to see The Wedding Bride

The show's current and final season, it's 9th, is entirely centered around Barney and Robin's wedding and the lead up to it. It is revealed that Ted will meet "The Mother" at Barney and Robin's wedding, so in order to create more buildup to that pivotal moment of the show, the entire ninth season takes place the weekend of the wedding.

Except we have to wait until the end of this drawn out season for it, *sigh*

Most shows have an entire episode or two that center around a character's wedding. How I Met Your Mother went even further and centered an entire season around it. Which honestly is ridiculous. Yes television naturalizes and romanticizes weddings, and I personally think that drawing out a whole season of it is ridiculous and almost de-romanticizes it (which can be good or bad depending on what end of the spectrum of weddings you're on, love or hate). I don't believe that is the creator's purpose, but as I am watching this season, I realize more and more how much of a plot device this wedding is. And of course it is, all television weddings are plot devices. But it is especially true with this one. It is not even truly about Robin and Barney getting married, it is about when Ted will meet his future wife. After all, that is the title of the show. Once Ted meets his wife, he will be whole, he will have meaning in his life, and he will finally be ultimately desired by his "true love." The fact that the show hasn't revealed her name yet irks me a little bit. She has no individual identity, only one as Ted's future wife. It's supposed to create more mystery and anticipation but I think it just places her as an object, not as an individual. We know almost nothing about her, only what Ted tells us (not that he tells us much anyway). She has had interaction with other characters which has revealed little bits of her personality, but ultimately her purpose on the show is to fulfill Ted's dream of  meeting "the one." 

An advertisement for the wedding episode of the show Bones

The second show I am going to talk about it Bones. Bones is a crime/drama show about a forensic anthropologist, Temperance Brennan and her team and how they solve murder cases from examining remains. Bones is Temperance's nickname. She is an incredibly intelligent woman, (although she doesn't have a lot of social tact) has studied a vast amount of cultures, knows a lot about cultural traditions and cultural beliefs, but often does not understand pop culture references in American culture, which is where a lot of the humor of the show comes from. She doesn't believe in God, is very non-traditional overall. Over the course of the show starting at the end of season six a relationship between Temperance Brennan and Agent Seely Booth begins. In season seven they have a daughter together, but are not married. Booth expresses a desire to get married, and Bones doesn't see the point of marriage and thinks they can be happy as they are. 

A fanmade image, showing how much audiences love romance in television.

Over the course of the next season, Bones realizes that being married would make Booth happy, so she tells him that she wants to marry him, and they become engaged. Throughout this realization and discussion of marriage, there is a villain in the show, Pelant, who goes on killing sprees, and threatens to kill a lot of innocent people if Bones and Booth get married. Pelant threatens this to Booth, so he breaks off the engagement but cannot tell Bones the truth as to why, otherwise Pelant will kill innocent people. So Bones is heartbroken (realizing she does want to get married after all) and believes that Booth doesn't love her the same and questions a lot of their relationship and she becomes very cold towards him. 

Angela from Bones, expressing her anger towards Booth for breaking off the engagement.

Long story short, Pelant gets killed and Bones and Booth can finally get married. They start planning a wedding, except with Bones's lack of understanding for American wedding traditions, her friend Angela takes over the planning. The church burns down from candles that Booth and Bones's father lit (supposedly) and now the wedding is postponed again, but Angela decides that they have to get married and plans a whole wedding in one day. 

Unlike other shows, the Bones wedding was not just a "big moment" for just Temperance, but for the both of them as a couple. What bothered me a little bit about the wedding was how it was a buildup of all these awful things that happened to them with the Pelant situation, so they geared this wedding as both of them finally getting the big day they deserved and happiness, romanticizing it even more through tragedy that happened in the past. This is an example of how television romanticizes weddings and heterosexuality. Because they went through many hardships, the wedding symbolizes them finally publicly expressing their love for each other, and despite all the hardship, they still love each other. Bones and Booth could have just stayed unmarried, and continued being happy with their life together and being with their daughter, which I think would have fit more with her character. Of course though marriage, and the killer Pelant's role in stopping the marriage, became a source of plot for the show, which drew in a lot of viewers (also I think that the show being on the Fox network had a little bit to do with the the integration of marriage and tradition into the plot). And that's probably the scariest part of it all. How huge of an audience a TV wedding will draw, specifically in the female 18-49 demographic.  

A majority of sitcom television shows have love and romance as a part of the story, for both females and males. The roles for male romance symbolize the ability to be responsible and care for a family and to be ultimately desired by someone else (this last one is also the same for female characters). For single males, if they are over a certain age, and are single, there must be something undesirable about them, and it is seen as a problem that they have not yet found love, while everyone else around them is settling down. The same is true for female characters too. 

For women, seeing single female characters go through the ups and downs of dating make that moment when they find "Mr. Right" seem pivotal and portrayed as the most important moment in a woman's life. 

Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City

Audiences love romance in television. In various online communities, especially on Tumblr, there are people who "ship" characters, meaning they want them in relationships and have their "OTP's" which means One True Pair, their favorite couple. If you look up any television show, whether it be a sitcom, drama or even a show that does not have an obvious love plot, audiences will look for the romance, and blow it out of proportion. Don't believe me? Just look up any show, and "ships"  or "OTP" on Tumblr. The amount of fanmade images and photosets with romantic themes is a bit alarming. 

What are your thoughts on love as a plot for TV? What differences do you see with male and female characters looking for love? Let me know! Comment below! Thank you for reading. 

It's All in the Family: Wedding Dress Shopping

Just a little disclaimer here before I start this: I understand that media is sensationalized and often times, extreme examples and types of people are shown. However, I still think it is important to analyze what kinds of perspectives these shows portray and whether they do so in a negative or positive light.

Most of us went shopping with our parents when we were kids. And man was it BORING (it was for me anyways, unless it was a trip to the toy store). I can't even imagine what bringing family to something like a wedding dress appointment would be like.

There are usually two types of brides portrayed on wedding gown shows. The ones who, if you don't like the dress are:

And there are brides who seek their entourage's approval and will not buy the dress unless they like it, and if they don't like it:

Women who shop for wedding dresses usually bring some sort of entourage with them, a majority being family members.

On Say Yes to the Dress, the portrayal of the family goes either two ways, they support the bride and let her decide, or they are super critical and have to deem approval on the dress before she can buy it. Also known as "the overbearing family." Stella on Say Yes to the Dress brought her sisters, mother and father to her appointment. Here is a clip from the episode.

Her sisters are very critical and blunt about every dress she tries on. That may be a good thing or bad thing depending on if you care what your family thinks. Along with the bride, the bridal consultant is also frustrated because she has to please multiple people to make the sale. It's also important to note the bride's cultural background. In the episode she tells the consultant she is having a huge Greek wedding and that her family's opinion matters very much to her. Other brides on the show who come from collectivist cultures with high value on family, value their opinion and often do not buy the dress they love because their family doesn't approve. I've seen many episodes where the bride walks away from the dress she likes because of others' opinions; especially the mother's opinion. 

Here is a clip of a non-traditional family going dress shopping. There are a few reasons why this bridal appointment is non-traditional according to the norms seen on previous episodes of Say Yes to the Dress. This is the bride's second marriage, her future husband is at the appointment to give his input on the gown (despite the superstition of bad luck if the groom sees the gown), and they are a family consisting of step-children. 

In this example, all of the kids end up loving the dress, except the groom. Although their family structure isn't traditional according to nuclear family standards, the same problems of differing tastes and approval still arise as they did with other more "traditional" families.

This next clip is a "best of the worst" wedding dress shopping entourages from Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta. It reveals a lot of different reasons for familial tension in a wedding ritual like this. Culture, familial relation, morals and values all play a part in dress selection. What I found interesting was how the "comical" parts of the clip had to do with when male family members tried contributing their opinions. It perpetuates this idea that males do not know about fashion and shouldn't know, and that the wedding dress shopping is almost exclusively a woman's area. The exception to this rule is usually the father of the bride, one of the few males that are seen as acceptable people to invite dressing shopping. The bridal shop owner of Say Yes to the Dress:Atlanta, Lori, absolutely hates when grooms come to the bridal appointment. She charmingly refers that to having "foxes in her henhouse."

While doing some Google searching, I came across this photo below. I completely forgot about this TLC show that came out last year. It is actually a great example of how tradition gets put against individualism. The premise of Something Borrowed, Something New is that a bride chooses between a re-purposing of her mother's wedding dress and a new dress. Usually the mother roots for the daughter to wear her dress, which again perpetuates the idea of tradition being important in weddings and how much of an influence family has in rites of passages like weddings. 

I also think that for a lot of mother's on this show and other wedding shows, feel as if they can re-live their own wedding, and possibly live out her dreams through her daughter. I remember watching an episode of Say Yes to the Dress where a bride went to a dress fitting with her mother. Her mother kept pushing her to wear a tiara and veil because she didn't wear one when she got married and regretted that decision. 

To bring up a personal example of family influence, I was put in piano lessons as a child. I hated practicing, and I was put in lessons because both my mom and dad also took piano when they were younger. My mom always talked about how she regretted quitting as a child and pushed me to keep practicing because she thinks I would regret it later like she did. 

(source)

Not all family members always root for the tradition of wearing the mother's dress. In this next clip, the bride's "something borrowed" is actually her grandmother's dress that her mother also wore. The grandmother just wants her granddaughter to pick something to make her happy and just the thought of possibly wearing the dress was enough for her. The mother on the other hand is not keen on the idea of a new dress for the bride at all. 

Cultural heritage and upbringing determines what family values someone may have. If someone was raised in a family with a collectivist mindset, and they are exposed to very individualistic ideals through media, this can cause some tension and divide in a bride's mind, which I think the show Something Borrowed, Something New portrays fairly well. 

How much do you value your family's opinion? Are you one to please your family? Or are you one to make yourself happy and hope that your family is accepting of whatever decisions you make? If you are planning on getting married what role do you anticipate or expect your family to play and why? Or if you've already been married and had a wedding, did your family influence any decisions you made?

Thank you as always for reading, and share your thoughts below!

I do. But why?

So something has been on my mind all day today and I wanted to write about it because I think it's important to think about. So much so that I ditched my last class to come home and write (shhh).
Why.

I am a sociology major. I study society, social structure, groups,systems and how they work to create social order, etc. I understand that media manipulates messages to make society believe and desire specific things. For the most part, I consider myself as understanding the social construct of things around me pretty well.
So why do I still have these desires to have a wedding? I want to be married someday and I also still want to have some kind of ceremony acknowledging that.
I watch wedding television shows in part to mock, but also because something draws me in to them.

Although I get mad and say these women are stupid for spending so much money, I still partially envy them. And I think that is very telling to how media portrays romance and marriage to our culture.

For me personally, I've narrowed it down to a few reasons.
I want the social validation that I am in a committed relationship. By having some kind of ceremony, it might give me the sense that others acknowledge the validity of the relationship I'm in. I do not know if this is true, I am not married, but this is what I would want to come out of the situation.

A more shallow reason to why I want a wedding is that I enjoy dressing up. Wearing makeup and clothing that make me feel my best feels good and I enjoy feeling dressed up (I also have a love affair with sweatpants too and that's okay). As I've explained before, for women, wedding dresses are socialized to be the most important dress of your life. And hell, some people love a good party, so it's an excuse to look great and get dolled up and have some fun. That is something that I enjoy and is a small personal reason as to why I would have a wedding.

Part of my reasons are also cultural. On my mother's side, her parents did not have a wedding, they married at a courthouse. My parents also did the same thing, but later on had a church ceremony (probably for cultural reasons. That and to appease my grandmother).  My father's parents had a church ceremony. My family is important to me and I value their approval and do not enjoy disappointing them. That is not to say I always do things they like (like dying parts of my hair blue, or getting tattoos that they have no idea about). I usually hide things like that.

The last reason that I thought about was that I believe the title of being married equates to a sense of a stronger commitment. I know there are many examples of women who never marry their partners and still are strongly committed to the relationship. There are same-sex couples who cannot legally be married and are strongly committed to each other. So what I still have to explore within myself is why do I think that marriage strengthens the commitment in a relationship? The title of wife holds more serious social rank than girlfriend in our culture, and I suppose you could say I succumb to that belief. The marriage is a contract. There are legal benefits like insurance, visitation rights at hospitals and inheritance that I feel are important. And as my boyfriend and I have talked about many times before, we both feel that being married is important to us, as far as defining our relationship and also having legal benefits in the future.

I realize that my boyfriend and I do have a choice whether we want to have a wedding or not. If we don't it's a matter of dealing with the stigma that comes along with not going with the social norms. And at this time I don't feel like I am strong enough to deal with that to just not have a wedding. I do have my own (in my opinion) positive reasons why I want one, but tradition and familial pressure is definitely a reason too.

If you plan on getting married in the future, why do you feel it is important?

If you plan on getting married, will you have a wedding ceremony? Why?

If you are already married, did you have a wedding? What was the experience like? Planning? Why did you have one/want one?

This wasn't a planned post, so this is a bit of word vomit. Thank you for reading! Tell me your thoughts below!

The Most Important Dress of Your Life: Say Yes to Putting an Article of Clothing on a Cultural Pedestal

This will be the first post in a mini-series about wedding dresses and wedding culture. There are a lot of segments I want to talk about, but I don't want to write one endless post about it, so I'll break it up for your sake for my own too.

Now then, onto the subject matter. Wedding dresses. Something that some women have dreamed about since they were little girls. Things like bridal Barbies and Disney princess movies perpetuate the bridal fantasy for many little girls in Western culture. They romanticize weddings as the moment when you will find your Prince Charming and live happily ever after. 

We don't ever see movies about life after the "I Do's" for these princesses, although here is a photographer's perception of what that might look like.

(source)

Cinderella's wedding (top) and a photographer Dina Goldstein's idea on what happened after "happily ever after" (above)

There is so much focus on the bridal gown in Western wedding culture. This is largely due to weddings themselves being very bride-centered. Grooms will usually wear a suit or tuxedo, which you can spice up with different colored ties or vests, but there's only so much variation you can do with those options. Wedding gowns on the other hand seem to have endless options. Well, endless as long as it's white. (There will be a separate post coming later about "non-traditional" brides and their obstacles in dress shopping). 

The TLC network has numerous programs centered on weddings. Say Yes to the Dress, Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta, Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss, I Found the Gown, and Randy to the Rescue are all shows centered on the wedding dress selection alone. I am a guilty watcher of all of these. Part of me just loves trashy reality TV, and the other part of me is fascinated with how outrageous some of these gowns, brides and families are.

"Say Yes to the Dress" is now a cultural catchphrase. In the show, when the consultants are trying to close the sale, they always ask the bride "Are you saying yes to this dress?" The fact that this phrase is now culturally popular, it gives more cultural appeal to shop for a wedding gown, because many women want to be asked that question and go to this bridal salon to experience "the magic bridal moment" they saw on television. Many brides in later seasons of the show have talked about how they wanted to go to Kleinfeld Bridal because of the popularity of the show. Many have traveled across the country, and some even across the glove to visit this salon, as described in this article here. 

(source)

Hundreds of brides lineup outside of Kleinfeld, the salon popularized by Say Yes to the Dress

The show portrays many different types of people. Brides with modest budgets, brides with unlimited budgets, brides with pushy families and strict cultural norms, same-sex brides, and various brides they call "nontraditional." And of course a majority of brides that are looking for the "traditional" bridal look. 

Traditional bridal gowns are white (traditionally to symbolize virginity and purity), floor length, and do not reveal a lot of skin. Modern traditional gowns on these shows also now are described as having the perfect mix of class and sex appeal, but it can't be too sexy otherwise people will wonder why on earth you're wearing white. 

So what is the craze about wedding dresses? Many brides on these shows describe wedding gowns as being the most important dress in their lives and how it symbolizes the ultimate form of themselves. They want to be beautiful, and the center of attention. They don't say it directly like that, but phrases like "I want people to be in awe when I walk in, and I want all heads to turn when I walk in the room" imply just as much.

 For same-sex brides on the show that choose to both wear a gown, the consultants usually feel overwhelemed because the attention is split between two brides, and they want to find gowns that often complement each other's gowns and their own personalities. Here is a clip of a same-sex couple shopping for bridal gowns at Kleinfeld. In this scenario, her partner already found her dress. 

The first aspect of dresses I want to focus on is the cost of bridal gowns. The following clip is an extreme example, but nonetheless it is an example of how much some brides will spend on this dress that they will wear "the big day." 

Kelly Dooley, the bride in the clip, wants a one of a kind dress. The dress she is in love with is $34,000. I have no words. Being a college student, I often equate the cost of things to "how many semesters of school does this pay for?" Her mother is paying for the gown. As well as for most of the wedding. If you are curious about her wedding, I will link her episode here. She ended up having her own episode special about her wedding and wedding gown experience. 

The "big budget brides" are treated exceptionally at the bridal salon. They have a high, or endless budget, so the consultants pull out all their ammo in the bridal arsenal to make them happy. This is not to say that they treat other brides as sub-par or terribly,  just that they want to meet the demands of the lavish bride to make the sale.

Here is a clip of another bride, Liza, looking for a second bridal gown. One for her wedding in Nigeria, the other for her wedding in Toronto. What is interesting about her story is that she says the Nigerian wedding is for her parents, and the Toronto wedding is "her" wedding. It is not always the bride who wants to spend lavishly. As seen in this example, Liza is succumbing to cultural demands from her family. 

My own aunt had a similar experience. She and my uncle had two wedding cermonies, one Catholic, the other Russian Orthodox, to make both sides of the family happy. 

The average budget for a bride at Kleinfeld that I observed was in the $2,000-$4,000 range. TLC came out with a show last year called "I Found the Gown" which is a television show similar to Say Yes to the Dress, except the salon is a discount bridal warehouse, where top designer gowns are exceptionally marked down, and therefore more affordable than the full-price gowns seen on Say Yes to the Dress. I feel that this show is more relateable to many women who cannot afford expensive gowns, but it gives them hope that they can find one because of discount retailers like the one seen on "I Found the Gown." 

What are your thoughts on wedding dresses? Do you feel the symbolism behind them is still relevant in today's culture? 

If you are woman, did you ever dream about your perfect dress? I will be honest and say that I definitely have (*frantically closes Pinterest tab*) Men what are your thoughts on wedding gowns? Do you find them to be important?

How do you feel about people who spend thousands on gowns? Would you spend that much if you had the money?

Why do you think there is such a large focus on wedding dresses in Western wedding culture?

Please comment below! 

Popping the Question: Engagement Rings, Status, and the Ultimate Symbol of Love (...?)

Before I start this, I want to put a disclaimer. My intention is not to shame anyone who believes in and likes these traditions. My goal is to get people thinking about why traditions are in place and why people believe in them.

We all know that traditionally, the beginning of a marriage starts with the proposal. Your perfect man proposes with the perfect ring. Famous phrases like "Diamonds are a girl's best friend" and DeBeers famous slogan (pictured below) perpetuate the idea that diamonds are the ultimate symbol of love and commitment.

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This DeBeers diamond commercial is a great example of showing how diamonds are marketed as a symbol of eternal love by portraying an elderly couple and a younger couple together. New love and lifelong love, the ideal relationship is one where one turns into the other.

Often, after a woman is proposed to, the first thing people ask is to see the ring, and then they offer their congratulations.  When someone on Facebook changes to their status to engaged, almost instantaneously questions and congratulations come flooding in. "Where is the ring?" Or when they change their status to engaged, a picture of the ring is included in the post.

Chrys Ingraham, author of White Weddings: Romancing Heterosexuality in Popular Culture, wrote in 1999 that a man is expected to buy an engagement ring worth two month's salary, and spending anything less is deemed unacceptable by Western society's standards. I asked a few of my friends and family what they would say the expected cost of an engagement ring today is, and their estimations are that now the expectation is to save up three months' salary.

Not only is the man expected to spend the right amount, the ring is also supposed to perfectly represent the bride's personality and style. Someone who describes them self as quirky and unique may opt for something non-traditional, like a heart shaped diamond.

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Singer Sherri Bemis of Eisley describes her style as whimsical and wanted her engagement ring to match her personality. (I adore her and she is one of my favorite singers, so in no way am I smack talking her *insert fangirl shriek* I LOVE YOU). 

In the season 5 premiere of TLC's show Say Yes to the Dress, bride Sarah Kennedy was going shopping for a bridal gown, before she was proposed to. Little did she know, her boyfriend was waiting in the dressing room with her "perfect ring." In the interview segments of the show, she says that she has been waiting a long time for this ring, and how glad she is that it's finally here.

Bride Sarah Kennedy is shown shopping for her bridal gown, minutes after the proposal

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It's interesting to note how she talks about "it" and not "him." This next clip is of one of the bridal consultants reflecting on the in-store proposal. The proposal was unexpected because the couple did not think they could afford a ring, so it was a shock to her and the family.

 For most women and Western society as a whole, the engagement ring is the marker for the beginning of a marriage. Sarah from Say Yes to the Dress talked about how her ring was the pivotal piece of the puzzle she was waiting for before she would get married to her boyfriend.

Engagement rings, and the expected cost of them, put a lot of pressure on heterosexual males to live up to a certain societal expectation. The engagement ring is a symbol that shows that you can provide for her, and you can live up to the expectation of the traditional male breadwinner.

In one of my classes, there is a girl who sits in front of me who is recently engaged. Many in our class noticed her ring and asked her about ring shopping and the proposal. In a joking tone, she said that she told her fiancee that she wanted a carat for each year they have been together. If you saw the size of that thing, you would know that she wasn't joking at all. (I jokingly kept thinking to myself, how does she lift her hand?)

Celebrity engagement rings are the perfect example of how "love" is shown through status and money. As soon as news breaks of a celebrity's engagement, then the reports on how much the ring cost almost immediately follow. Kim Kardashian recently became engaged to Kanye West. The LA Times reports the ring at $3 million dollars and weighing in at 15 carats.

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This makes Kim's former fiance's $2 million dollar ring seem pretty lame compared to what Kanye shelled out for her don't you think? (insert sarcasm) In the celebrity world, the engagement ring is the ultimate symbol of status and of "love" (I put air quotes because 72 day marriages are totally reflective of true love. I really wish there was a font for sarcasm) The richer they are, the bigger the ring has to be. This is especially true if it isn't their bride-to-be's first go around. He has to show that he is better than what she had before. If you love her more than he did, the ring has to be bigger, right? My mom made the comment that her ring looks like it came out of a gum-ball machine it's so ridiculous looking.

Engagement rings are an ingrained part of the marriage tradition. The average middle class man is expected to shell out three month's salary to prove to society and to her that he loves her. So I want to pose a few questions. Is it fair to expect a man to invest in a gift such as jewelry as a symbol of love? Why doesn't the male also receive some sort of gift for a rite of passage such as an engagement? Do women feel a sense of entitlement to receiving an engagement ring and why?

Also, since it is often expected for man to buy a ring for a woman, how would this tradition play out in a same-sex relationship? Would they feel pressured to conform to the hetero normative tradition and assign traditional roles to each other, or both get rings? (Let alone the fact if they can even legally get married).

If you are female, do you expect to receive an engagement ring? Why?

If you are male I ask, do you feel pressure or do you feel expected to buy an engagement ring if you plan on getting married? If so, where do you feel this pressure and expectation comes from?

Again I am not condemning anyone who plans to follow or has followed these traditions. I myself would still like an engagement ring, but I don't want my boyfriend to sell his soul or promise our first born child in exchange for one, or equate one to the cost to the massive amounts of student debt we are in ( har har *runs away and cries in corner because of the reality of debt*)

I'd love to hear your thoughts! Please feel free to comment below and start some discussion!