Why.
I am a sociology major. I study society, social structure, groups,systems and how they work to create social order, etc. I understand that media manipulates messages to make society believe and desire specific things. For the most part, I consider myself as understanding the social construct of things around me pretty well.
So why do I still have these desires to have a wedding? I want to be married someday and I also still want to have some kind of ceremony acknowledging that.
I watch wedding television shows in part to mock, but also because something draws me in to them.
For me personally, I've narrowed it down to a few reasons.
I want the social validation that I am in a committed relationship. By having some kind of ceremony, it might give me the sense that others acknowledge the validity of the relationship I'm in. I do not know if this is true, I am not married, but this is what I would want to come out of the situation.
A more shallow reason to why I want a wedding is that I enjoy dressing up. Wearing makeup and clothing that make me feel my best feels good and I enjoy feeling dressed up (I also have a love affair with sweatpants too and that's okay). As I've explained before, for women, wedding dresses are socialized to be the most important dress of your life. And hell, some people love a good party, so it's an excuse to look great and get dolled up and have some fun. That is something that I enjoy and is a small personal reason as to why I would have a wedding.
Part of my reasons are also cultural. On my mother's side, her parents did not have a wedding, they married at a courthouse. My parents also did the same thing, but later on had a church ceremony (probably for cultural reasons. That and to appease my grandmother). My father's parents had a church ceremony. My family is important to me and I value their approval and do not enjoy disappointing them. That is not to say I always do things they like (like dying parts of my hair blue, or getting tattoos that they have no idea about). I usually hide things like that.
The last reason that I thought about was that I believe the title of being married equates to a sense of a stronger commitment. I know there are many examples of women who never marry their partners and still are strongly committed to the relationship. There are same-sex couples who cannot legally be married and are strongly committed to each other. So what I still have to explore within myself is why do I think that marriage strengthens the commitment in a relationship? The title of wife holds more serious social rank than girlfriend in our culture, and I suppose you could say I succumb to that belief. The marriage is a contract. There are legal benefits like insurance, visitation rights at hospitals and inheritance that I feel are important. And as my boyfriend and I have talked about many times before, we both feel that being married is important to us, as far as defining our relationship and also having legal benefits in the future.
I realize that my boyfriend and I do have a choice whether we want to have a wedding or not. If we don't it's a matter of dealing with the stigma that comes along with not going with the social norms. And at this time I don't feel like I am strong enough to deal with that to just not have a wedding. I do have my own (in my opinion) positive reasons why I want one, but tradition and familial pressure is definitely a reason too.
If you plan on getting married in the future, why do you feel it is important?
If you plan on getting married, will you have a wedding ceremony? Why?
If you are already married, did you have a wedding? What was the experience like? Planning? Why did you have one/want one?
This wasn't a planned post, so this is a bit of word vomit. Thank you for reading! Tell me your thoughts below!
