Most of us went shopping with our parents when we were kids. And man was it BORING (it was for me anyways, unless it was a trip to the toy store). I can't even imagine what bringing family to something like a wedding dress appointment would be like.
There are usually two types of brides portrayed on wedding gown shows. The ones who, if you don't like the dress are:
And there are brides who seek their entourage's approval and will not buy the dress unless they like it, and if they don't like it:
Women who shop for wedding dresses usually bring some sort of entourage with them, a majority being family members.
On Say Yes to the Dress, the portrayal of the family goes either two ways, they support the bride and let her decide, or they are super critical and have to deem approval on the dress before she can buy it. Also known as "the overbearing family." Stella on Say Yes to the Dress brought her sisters, mother and father to her appointment. Here is a clip from the episode.
Her sisters are very critical and blunt about every dress she tries on. That may be a good thing or bad thing depending on if you care what your family thinks. Along with the bride, the bridal consultant is also frustrated because she has to please multiple people to make the sale. It's also important to note the bride's cultural background. In the episode she tells the consultant she is having a huge Greek wedding and that her family's opinion matters very much to her. Other brides on the show who come from collectivist cultures with high value on family, value their opinion and often do not buy the dress they love because their family doesn't approve. I've seen many episodes where the bride walks away from the dress she likes because of others' opinions; especially the mother's opinion.
Here is a clip of a non-traditional family going dress shopping. There are a few reasons why this bridal appointment is non-traditional according to the norms seen on previous episodes of Say Yes to the Dress. This is the bride's second marriage, her future husband is at the appointment to give his input on the gown (despite the superstition of bad luck if the groom sees the gown), and they are a family consisting of step-children.
In this example, all of the kids end up loving the dress, except the groom. Although their family structure isn't traditional according to nuclear family standards, the same problems of differing tastes and approval still arise as they did with other more "traditional" families.
This next clip is a "best of the worst" wedding dress shopping entourages from Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta. It reveals a lot of different reasons for familial tension in a wedding ritual like this. Culture, familial relation, morals and values all play a part in dress selection. What I found interesting was how the "comical" parts of the clip had to do with when male family members tried contributing their opinions. It perpetuates this idea that males do not know about fashion and shouldn't know, and that the wedding dress shopping is almost exclusively a woman's area. The exception to this rule is usually the father of the bride, one of the few males that are seen as acceptable people to invite dressing shopping. The bridal shop owner of Say Yes to the Dress:Atlanta, Lori, absolutely hates when grooms come to the bridal appointment. She charmingly refers that to having "foxes in her henhouse."
While doing some Google searching, I came across this photo below. I completely forgot about this TLC show that came out last year. It is actually a great example of how tradition gets put against individualism. The premise of Something Borrowed, Something New is that a bride chooses between a re-purposing of her mother's wedding dress and a new dress. Usually the mother roots for the daughter to wear her dress, which again perpetuates the idea of tradition being important in weddings and how much of an influence family has in rites of passages like weddings.
I also think that for a lot of mother's on this show and other wedding shows, feel as if they can re-live their own wedding, and possibly live out her dreams through her daughter. I remember watching an episode of Say Yes to the Dress where a bride went to a dress fitting with her mother. Her mother kept pushing her to wear a tiara and veil because she didn't wear one when she got married and regretted that decision.
To bring up a personal example of family influence, I was put in piano lessons as a child. I hated practicing, and I was put in lessons because both my mom and dad also took piano when they were younger. My mom always talked about how she regretted quitting as a child and pushed me to keep practicing because she thinks I would regret it later like she did.
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Not all family members always root for the tradition of wearing the mother's dress. In this next clip, the bride's "something borrowed" is actually her grandmother's dress that her mother also wore. The grandmother just wants her granddaughter to pick something to make her happy and just the thought of possibly wearing the dress was enough for her. The mother on the other hand is not keen on the idea of a new dress for the bride at all.
Cultural heritage and upbringing determines what family values someone may have. If someone was raised in a family with a collectivist mindset, and they are exposed to very individualistic ideals through media, this can cause some tension and divide in a bride's mind, which I think the show Something Borrowed, Something New portrays fairly well.
Thank you as always for reading, and share your thoughts below!
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