The Most Important Dress of Your Life: Say Yes to Putting an Article of Clothing on a Cultural Pedestal

This will be the first post in a mini-series about wedding dresses and wedding culture. There are a lot of segments I want to talk about, but I don't want to write one endless post about it, so I'll break it up for your sake for my own too.

Now then, onto the subject matter. Wedding dresses. Something that some women have dreamed about since they were little girls. Things like bridal Barbies and Disney princess movies perpetuate the bridal fantasy for many little girls in Western culture. They romanticize weddings as the moment when you will find your Prince Charming and live happily ever after. 

We don't ever see movies about life after the "I Do's" for these princesses, although here is a photographer's perception of what that might look like.

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Cinderella's wedding (top) and a photographer Dina Goldstein's idea on what happened after "happily ever after" (above)

There is so much focus on the bridal gown in Western wedding culture. This is largely due to weddings themselves being very bride-centered. Grooms will usually wear a suit or tuxedo, which you can spice up with different colored ties or vests, but there's only so much variation you can do with those options. Wedding gowns on the other hand seem to have endless options. Well, endless as long as it's white. (There will be a separate post coming later about "non-traditional" brides and their obstacles in dress shopping). 

The TLC network has numerous programs centered on weddings. Say Yes to the Dress, Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta, Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss, I Found the Gown, and Randy to the Rescue are all shows centered on the wedding dress selection alone. I am a guilty watcher of all of these. Part of me just loves trashy reality TV, and the other part of me is fascinated with how outrageous some of these gowns, brides and families are.

"Say Yes to the Dress" is now a cultural catchphrase. In the show, when the consultants are trying to close the sale, they always ask the bride "Are you saying yes to this dress?" The fact that this phrase is now culturally popular, it gives more cultural appeal to shop for a wedding gown, because many women want to be asked that question and go to this bridal salon to experience "the magic bridal moment" they saw on television. Many brides in later seasons of the show have talked about how they wanted to go to Kleinfeld Bridal because of the popularity of the show. Many have traveled across the country, and some even across the glove to visit this salon, as described in this article here. 

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Hundreds of brides lineup outside of Kleinfeld, the salon popularized by Say Yes to the Dress

The show portrays many different types of people. Brides with modest budgets, brides with unlimited budgets, brides with pushy families and strict cultural norms, same-sex brides, and various brides they call "nontraditional." And of course a majority of brides that are looking for the "traditional" bridal look. 

Traditional bridal gowns are white (traditionally to symbolize virginity and purity), floor length, and do not reveal a lot of skin. Modern traditional gowns on these shows also now are described as having the perfect mix of class and sex appeal, but it can't be too sexy otherwise people will wonder why on earth you're wearing white. 

So what is the craze about wedding dresses? Many brides on these shows describe wedding gowns as being the most important dress in their lives and how it symbolizes the ultimate form of themselves. They want to be beautiful, and the center of attention. They don't say it directly like that, but phrases like "I want people to be in awe when I walk in, and I want all heads to turn when I walk in the room" imply just as much.

 For same-sex brides on the show that choose to both wear a gown, the consultants usually feel overwhelemed because the attention is split between two brides, and they want to find gowns that often complement each other's gowns and their own personalities. Here is a clip of a same-sex couple shopping for bridal gowns at Kleinfeld. In this scenario, her partner already found her dress. 

The first aspect of dresses I want to focus on is the cost of bridal gowns. The following clip is an extreme example, but nonetheless it is an example of how much some brides will spend on this dress that they will wear "the big day." 

Kelly Dooley, the bride in the clip, wants a one of a kind dress. The dress she is in love with is $34,000. I have no words. Being a college student, I often equate the cost of things to "how many semesters of school does this pay for?" Her mother is paying for the gown. As well as for most of the wedding. If you are curious about her wedding, I will link her episode here. She ended up having her own episode special about her wedding and wedding gown experience. 

The "big budget brides" are treated exceptionally at the bridal salon. They have a high, or endless budget, so the consultants pull out all their ammo in the bridal arsenal to make them happy. This is not to say that they treat other brides as sub-par or terribly,  just that they want to meet the demands of the lavish bride to make the sale.

Here is a clip of another bride, Liza, looking for a second bridal gown. One for her wedding in Nigeria, the other for her wedding in Toronto. What is interesting about her story is that she says the Nigerian wedding is for her parents, and the Toronto wedding is "her" wedding. It is not always the bride who wants to spend lavishly. As seen in this example, Liza is succumbing to cultural demands from her family. 

My own aunt had a similar experience. She and my uncle had two wedding cermonies, one Catholic, the other Russian Orthodox, to make both sides of the family happy. 

The average budget for a bride at Kleinfeld that I observed was in the $2,000-$4,000 range. TLC came out with a show last year called "I Found the Gown" which is a television show similar to Say Yes to the Dress, except the salon is a discount bridal warehouse, where top designer gowns are exceptionally marked down, and therefore more affordable than the full-price gowns seen on Say Yes to the Dress. I feel that this show is more relateable to many women who cannot afford expensive gowns, but it gives them hope that they can find one because of discount retailers like the one seen on "I Found the Gown." 

What are your thoughts on wedding dresses? Do you feel the symbolism behind them is still relevant in today's culture? 

If you are woman, did you ever dream about your perfect dress? I will be honest and say that I definitely have (*frantically closes Pinterest tab*) Men what are your thoughts on wedding gowns? Do you find them to be important?

How do you feel about people who spend thousands on gowns? Would you spend that much if you had the money?

Why do you think there is such a large focus on wedding dresses in Western wedding culture?

Please comment below!